“I’m not a mom, but…”

I never thought that not being a mom would make me feel left out.

In their early twenties, young moms have trouble finding mommy friends. They have to deal with the fact that their lives are changing, and suddenly different from all their non-mom friends’.

In their late twenties and early thirties, non-moms have trouble finding non-mommy friends (and it’s even harder when you’re married). They have to deal with the fact that their friends have moved onto motherhood and their lives are fully engrossed in a tiny human being.

Not everyone has to deal with this, but most of my closest friends are now moms. The hardest part is not the fact that my friends have less time for me; that’s not always the case. The hard part is not being able to relate to them and other moms that I meet. The talk about sleep routines and what kind of food the children are eating is so lost on me, you might as well be talking about sports. I feel as though anything I could to contribute to the conversation has to begin with “I’m not a mom, but…” And the worst thing a mom could say in response, by far is:

You don’t understand; you’re not a mom.

Man. Way to rub it in. Now, I know there are things that happen during motherhood that indeed, I won’t understand until I go through it myself. I know it must be hard to put into words. I don’t discredit moms for all they do. They’re doing the most amazing job out there. But my worth isn’t lessened just because I’m not raising a baby, and I don’t think it’s okay to make anyone feel that way.

My lack of offspring doesn’t mean I can’t understand on some level. It doesn’t mean my opinion isn’t valid, or that my advice isn’t useful. It means I have an outside view. It means I’m an excellent, undistracted support system. I’m still capable of loving and spoiling your kids. And I can spoil them more, because I don’t have any of my own to worry about!


I want to be a mom one day. But I’m happy with my life, and that I’ve waited to marry the finest partner in life I could find. And the best part? When I finally get there, I’ll have tons of solid advice from all my veteran mommy friends.