One of the most difficult things to deal with when struggling with infertility is the lack of control. After awhile, I felt like no matter what I did, I couldn’t get pregnant. Of course, whenever I expressed this to Tim or a close friend, it was met with: “You can, and you will.” While those words were mildly comforting, they didn’t change how I felt.
The feeling which my body is betraying me is one I’m too familiar with; after all, it did try to fail on me once before, and I even had a little bit of a scare last year. While the feeling is nothing new, it’s not fun. Frankly, it just sucks.
Knowing PCOS has caused not only infertility, but also weight gain, is beyond frustrating. My body isn’t working right, and there’s probably nothing I could have done to change it. While many assume PCOS is caused by weight gain, PCOS most often causes weight gain, and it is now believed to be mostly hereditary. Could I have eaten healthier? Absolutely. Would it have changed anything? Doubtful. Most women with PCOS find that they absolutely cannot lose the weight they have gained, regardless of how “clean” they eat or how hard they work out.
At the very least, having an answer to why we still weren’t pregnant meant we could start talking about solutions.
My doctor’s first recommendation for treatment was one which we would have done with or without a PCOS diagnosis: Clomid.
I ovulated on my own without Clomid (at least, according to ovulation predictor kits), but my doctor said Clomid would increase the quality of my eggs. Women with PCOS tend to have less mature eggs, which sometimes aren’t released (often causing cysts in the ovaries).The other course of treatment for many with PCOS is birth control to regulate cycles. Obviously, this isn’t an option for me right now.
The last (optional) treatment, was Metformin, to treat insulin resistance. Since I lost and gained weight on and off birth control, Metformin could possibly help me lose weight. It’s certainly not the most fun thing to take, especially in the first month or so, but if it can help me be healthier, I’ll take it. Metformin has also increased fertility and reduced the chances of miscarriage in women with PCOS (don’t take my word on any of that; it’s all based on what I’ve read on infertility forums). Because of that, it was kind of a no-brainer for me.
I’m going to be honest, as usual. I’m sure anyone can guess that infertility is difficult, emotionally. Throw some hormones and awful side effects in there, and I’ve been a complete wreck some days. I’ve had my brighter days, too, though, thanks to some serious moral support (and chocolate). Other days, I’ve had a lot of “It’s not fair” thoughts floating around in my head, I’ve been angry, and I’ve been just plain sad.
But it’ll all be worth it… Right?