Why Was I in Such a Hurry?

How many of you, upon graduating high school, expected to graduate college at 22, immediately marry your boyfriend of 2+ years, and have your first of 2-3 kids before you turned 24?

*Raises hand*

Life sure doesn’t turn out how you expect it to, does it? I did not graduate college. I didn’t get married until I was 26, and he wasn’t my high school sweetheart and we didn’t meet in college. I’m 27 now, and there are still no children to speak of.

It awes me to think of the hurdles I’ve jumped just to get here. Just to get to this place that was never my “goal”. I’ve battled depression, severe anxiety, lost loved ones, broken friendships, broken hearts, and a body that tried so hard to quit.

But I’m happy.

Would I be happy if I’d gotten everything I wanted? If my life had been simple, married to my high school sweetheart, with a decent job and at least two children by now?

Maybe.

But I might not have appreciated what I had. I might not have cherished my husband quite as much, because I wouldn’t know what it was like to lose someone. I might have taken my body for granted, because I wouldn’t know what it was like to have a close call. I might not have known who my real friends were, because they never would have had the opportunity to show me. I might have even resented having children so young, because I would have wondered what I could have done without them. I have no doubt I would have loved them, but I also am positive that question would have lingered.

I wouldn’t say I took my time; I would say things just didn’t happen the way I expected. But they turned out better than I could have even imagined.

melissa prosser photography

melissa prosser photography

Why was I in such a hurry?

41 Comments

  1. July 9, 2014 / 9:48 am

    Are you sure that you wrote this post because it is like spot on for my life? I could have sworn I wrote it —

    I have those same thoughts these days. That was my identical plan in high school and college and none of it worked out… and yet, everything worked out! Now, I sometimes look at Facebook and Twitter and start to freak out because EVERYONE is pregnant or has a baby and I feel like I’m missing out on something. But then I just breathe and remind myself that Adam and I have a plan and that our plan isn’t contingent on everyone else’s… This is probably one of my favorite posts of your ever and that’s saying something! :)

    -Kate
    http://www.theflorkens.com

    • July 9, 2014 / 1:38 pm

      Thanks, Kate! I just have to look back and laugh… How in the world did I think it’d be so simple?

  2. July 9, 2014 / 10:10 am

    That is the sweetest picture! I can relate to this so much! I always have to laugh a little bit, and be REALLY thankful, I didn’t get the things I thought I wanted when I was younger- because you grow up and realize those aren’t the things you really wanted afterall!

    • July 9, 2014 / 1:38 pm

      Thank you! I definitely think I wouldn’t have ended up as happy.

  3. Sarah Christine
    July 9, 2014 / 10:14 am

    I thought the exact same thing in high school, married with kids by 25. The closer I get to 25 though (I’m 24 now) the more I can’t believe I ever thought that. I can’t imagine have kids already, and although I live with my long term boyfriend we aren’t married yet and I’m perfectly happy about it. I have none of what I thought I would right now and I’m so happy about it. Life is funny that way.

    • July 9, 2014 / 1:39 pm

      25, 26, 27 seemed so old when we were in high school. Now it’s right HERE and I’m like… I could have had kids by now? What?

  4. July 9, 2014 / 10:49 am

    It IS funny how different life turns out than your plans right? I’m not sure I ever thought I was going to get married, but here I am, marriage, thinking about a house, and working in wellness full time. SO crazy!

    • July 9, 2014 / 1:39 pm

      Crazy indeed! It never turns out the way we plan.

  5. Jessica Parker
    July 9, 2014 / 10:53 am

    It’s not the destination in life that makes us who we are; it is the decisions we make and the paths we have walked that truly matter.
    My checklist was very similar as well. Graduate High school with honors, go to and finish college, buy a house, marry HS sweetheart at 21, have first (if not only) child by 23…. BOY! Am I ever glad it didn’t happen that way! Here’s how it went (as each planned item wooshed by) – moved out of Mom’s, barely graduated with honors, quit/failed out of college twice as I was preoccupied with helping my ‘HS sweetheart’ finally finish his school, married him, bought a house in the boom, tried having kids to realize he didn’t want them all along, divorced at 24, barely avoided foreclosure before selling the house, and started over… met Mr. Perfect-for-me at 24, engaged at 25, married at 25, house at 26, kids at 26, 27 and now 29, and he constantly tells me that if/when I want to go back to school, not only will we find a way, but I can go wherever my dreams want. <3 You are so right that our skeletons make us more grateful for the good things.

    • July 9, 2014 / 1:40 pm

      I kind of like that “starting over” part. But without everything before that, you would not be what you are now, and you’re pretty awesome.

  6. Rachael
    July 9, 2014 / 11:28 am

    Thank you for this– something I struggle with all.the.time. <3

  7. July 9, 2014 / 11:31 am

    I do think it really does take time to realize that not every plan works out the way you want but the key is being happy! so glad that you ended up happy ;)

    • July 9, 2014 / 1:41 pm

      Thanks, Helene! It’s really hard to understand that as we grow up.

  8. July 9, 2014 / 11:57 am

    I seriously have these same thoughts all of the time. I didn’t “plan” my life out but I sure as hell didn’t expect to get married before 40 either- funny how things turn out. But usually for the better it seems :)

    • July 9, 2014 / 1:41 pm

      Oh so your plan was opposite of mine! lol

      • July 9, 2014 / 1:44 pm

        I’m definitely an outlier I have found. I never even thought about a wedding until I got engaged/we started talking about engagement hahaha

  9. Trish M.
    July 9, 2014 / 12:04 pm

    Absolutely one if the best posts I have read in awhile that I relate to so well. I am 31 and have not married or had children but I have a plan and it’s working for me. I have done so much in my life and I often question if I would resent children if I had them already. Great post!

    Trish
    http://thetrishlist.blogspot.com

    • July 9, 2014 / 1:42 pm

      Yeah, I think that a lot of young parents just kind of ask themselves ‘what if?’ and realize that they COULD HAVE done a lot if they’d waited — not that they don’t love where they are, but I’m sure those thoughts are still there.

  10. July 9, 2014 / 2:10 pm

    Oh my gosh- I seriously could have written this myself! I really thought that by 25, I would be married with kids in a house with a white picket fence. Typical. And here I am at 28- yes married and yes in a house (as of 3 months ago) with kids still a distant plan. I can’t believe how silly I was looking back…if I had married my high school sweetheart like I thought I wanted to…HA HA. Can’t even imagine where my life would be now. Great post lady :)

    • July 9, 2014 / 3:43 pm

      I know, right? I can’t even imagine. Thank you!

  11. July 9, 2014 / 2:11 pm

    You are preaching to the choir on this one! I definitely wanted to be married by 22 and have a baby by now. But I am so glad for the way things turned out! It’s funny to think back on where used to want my life to go, and I am so grateful for all I have gotten to do and experience instead.

  12. Vivian Stone
    July 9, 2014 / 3:17 pm

    I was such a planner even at a young age, I always had to have a plan and a future plan even. Even comparing my life to others at my age is still a struggle. It’s true that things come at it’s own time – and I will appreciate them so much more when they do! You guys are the cutest.

  13. July 9, 2014 / 5:12 pm

    Loved this. I know exactly how you feel. Life isn’t always what you expect but it’s almost always what you need!

    My Wholesome Home

    • July 9, 2014 / 6:44 pm

      Definitely. Thanks, Rachel!

  14. July 9, 2014 / 6:53 pm

    I think it will be so awesome to see how our culture changes after our generation. We have so many women that are building up their careers and then having children later in life. Will adoption become the new norm in 20 years? Will we evolve and go back to starting families at a younger age? It’ll be interesting to see.

    • July 9, 2014 / 9:42 pm

      It almost seems to go back and forth, though. I swear, 10+ years ago getting married after 30 was the norm, and now based on my peers, getting married before 25 has been more normal. Maybe it’s just regional though?

  15. July 9, 2014 / 7:30 pm

    Life definitely doesn’t turn out the way we expect. I thought i’d be done having kids by 30 but here I am 31 with no kids!

    • July 9, 2014 / 9:43 pm

      Yep, it never turns out exactly like we plan!

  16. July 9, 2014 / 9:39 pm

    I can’t even imagine getting married straight out of college. I mean kudos to anyone who knows what they want so young, but too many people seem to be in way too big of a hurry. Btw, that photo of you and your husband is adorable.

    • July 9, 2014 / 9:44 pm

      I think that it’s pretty risky, though, getting married young. Some people definitely work it out, and good for them, but I didn’t even know what I wanted in a spouse back then!

      And thank you so much!

  17. July 9, 2014 / 9:49 pm

    So this is really important! As a guy, I can definitely say I feel some of the pressure to hurry up and settle down. All my friends are getting married right now, but I’m only 21 and I don’t really want that yet..I want to accomplish a few things, but at the same time, I”m constantly freaking myself out by thinking I need to have a wife and 2 kids by tomorrow. Great post. I love that you’re so candid.

    • July 10, 2014 / 2:39 pm

      Can I just say that I’m excited for a guy to weigh in on this? You’re the first one.

      I’ve always felt like guys have plenty of time. Like, you don’t have to worry about all your eggs dying after age 25 or anything, and I imagine that’s how many women think of it. But it’s interesting to see that you DO feel the pressure, too! I’m surprised that at 21 a lot of your friends are getting married. That’s really young. I didn’t see an increase in engagements and wedding rings until about 25.

  18. November 3, 2014 / 4:48 pm

    I looove this, I’ve been wanting to write something similar after celebrating my 10 year reunion a couple weeks ago. So many things i wish I could share with this rising generation.

    • November 5, 2014 / 11:40 am

      I would love to read your take on this kind of thing. It’s still very prominent in my mind… Girls are in such a hurry to settle down, get married, that they often make mistakes!

  19. Katie (a moment with Katie)
    January 15, 2015 / 8:42 pm

    This is a huge eye opener. I’m 20, but I feel like I’m living the life of a 26 or 27 year old. I often need a reminder to slow down, I’m so young and have so much time ahead of me! Thank you for sharing!

    Katie
    http://amomentwithkatie.blogspot.com

    • January 17, 2015 / 10:55 pm

      Haha, wait til that flips around on you. You’ll be almost 30, but you’ll feel 22, and you’ll even hesitate when the question of your age comes up!

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